I’m going to talk about something that is a teeny bit of a touchy subject. But I ask you to keep an open mind, understand what I’m saying & don’t call me a bitch for saying it.
Last weekend I was rushing to buy lunch on my break from work when a guy stopped me to
say hello. He shook my hand & introduced himself, then told me he thought I was cute & wanted to know if I was interested in going out for a drink sometime. I told him that sounded nice, only that I didn’t drink that much & had a boyfriend, but was still up for meeting up to be friends, which would have been cool – he was an interesting guy & I admired his confidence for stopping to talk to me. He said no & walked away immediately.
By refusing the offer of friendship this guy was just saying he was only interested in me if he got to have sex with me. That may sound a bit dramatic to you at first but yeah, that is what it means.
See it from a woman’s perspective: a random stranger stops you & says that he doesn’t want to know anything about your personality, he just wants to fuck you. Or you have a friend who you really value & enjoy spending time with, but all they’re doing is waiting because they expect you to one day let them fuck you. That would make you feel super uncomfortable right?
Why is friendship seen as second best? It’s not some consolation prize. Without sounding too much like a My Little Pony character, friendship is amazing & is something to be highly valued & celebrated. Male/ female friendship is incredible, which is why it’s so soul destroying for women when they learnt that this person they trusted literally just wants to get in your pants. The term “friendzone” is a way of faulting the woman for making her own decisions, & shifting the blame off your creepy ass self for thinking you were entitled to her in the first place. Women are not receptacles for you to put kindness into & expect sex to come out. If you think I’m being a crazy irrational feminist you really need to see the bigger picture here.
The ‘friendzone’ is not real. Women don’t put you there. You invent it so you don’t have to accept that you’re a creep who expects to be able to put his penis into anything he’s semi-decent to.
Men think they are entitled to women because they’ve been taught to think that way. History teaches us that if your significant other talks back you can beat her; if she is incomprehensible you can burn her at the stake for witchcraft; if she doesn’t produce the children you desire you can behead her. Yes, we’ve made strides of progress since then but the ideology that men are entitled to dictate & control women is still very much alive.
A man might not even realise how ever present it is for a woman. When a woman wants to succeed she has to work twice as hard as her male counterparts just to be heard, when she speaks her mind being called a bitch is a likely response, when she walks down a street being catcalled with obscenities isn’t out of the ordinary, when she goes out to a bar or a club with her friends being groped by a male stranger is a given; when she goes to college or university men are given condoms & while she’ll be given a rape whistle. It is everywhere, glaringly obvious to us.
Even if it’s someone who wouldn’t ever touch another woman or incite any kind of violence against her, there’s a big chance they will still think they have the right to comment on a women’s appearance; calling anyone over a size ten “fat”; commenting on their large nose or whether they’re attractive enough to be wearing those clothes or be with their partner. My dad does this, & I’m sure you know men who do too. The men who do it can be the kindest & friendliest guys but it’s been ingrained into their minds that they have the position to be judging women.
Here’s the big newsflash – women don’t live for men. What we do is our business, & you have no say in it. It may come as a shock, because thousands of years of society has taught men that everything is for them & it’s not true. It’s dated, it’s unfair, & it’s damaging as hell.
And that’s one of the reasons why Donald Trump being elected President of the United States is so heartbreaking.
Here is a man who doesn’t believe in women’s rights, wants the downfall of vital caregiving facilities such as Planned Parenthood, believes women should be punished for getting abortions, proudly proclaims his views on specific women & literally brags about assaulting women: “Just kiss, I don’t even wait… Grab ’em by the pussy… When you’re a star, they let you do anything.”. And by electing him as President after all that, his way of treating women has been validated, & endorsed.
Sexism is far from dead. We’re almost two decades into the twenty-first century & this is still happening. It’s ever-present, & never ending for everyone.
Women are not objects. They are not inferior. They are not yours.
They are people. It’s time people started acting like it.
Talk to me about this at @madelexne.